Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2019-08-24 23:13:06 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Оптимист - это человек, который приходит на кладбище и вместо крестов там видит плюсы
Раздел: Про евреев | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:37:12 | Оценка: 3.25 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Диалог в столовой:
– Что вам?
– Пюре и свинину.
– Луком посыпать?
– А это бесплатно?
– А вам точно свинину можно?
Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:25:40 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Мама, нас сегодня в школе учили писать.
- Ну, и что же вы писали ?
- Не знаю, читать нас еще не учили...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:12:35 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Муж мечтательно говорит жене:
- Я хотел бы пойти туда, где никогда не был, и сделать то, чего никогда не делал...
- Прекрасно! Иди на кухню и помой посуду!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:09:26 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Жена говорит мужу:
- Водку, сок, мясо поджаришь на сковородке.
Муж обалдев спрашивает:
- Водку-то зачем?!
- Ты со своей водкой уже все мозги пропил - я говорю: вот кусок мяса, поджаришь на сковородке!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:08:02 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Муж спрашивает жену:
- Что бы ты сделала, если бы я выиграл в лотерею?
- Забрала бы половину выигрыша и свалила от тебя на хрен!
- Классно! Я выиграл 100 рублей. Забирай 50 и вали на хрен!
Раздел: Политические | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:06:30 | Оценка: 5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Самый популярный предвыборный лозунг - "Не дадим ДРУГИМ разворовать Россию".
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2019-08-23 20:05:22 | Оценка: 2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Вовочка громко пукает на уроке. Все начинают зажимать носы и озираться по сторонам.
Марь Ивановна:
- Последний раз спрашиваю, кто это сделал?
Вовочка нехотя поднимается из-за парты:
- Это сделал я!
Марь Ивановна из последних сил, зажимая нос платком:
- Выйди немедленно из класса, маленькое чудовище!
Вовочка выходит в коридор, вдыхает чистого воздуха:
- А все-таки ЧЕСТНЫМ БЫТЬ ВЫГОДНО!
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