Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-06-03 08:56:19 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Купил чукча автомобиль мерседес, ездил по селу, и в первый же день сбил несколько десятков человек. Гаишники задерживают правонарушителя, требуют объяснения, чукча показывает знак на капоте автомобиля и отвечает:
- Я ездил по прицелу, однако!
Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2015-06-03 08:54:54 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В отделении хирургии опытный хирург спрашивает студентов.
-Ну,как прошла первая операция?
-Первый блин в коме.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:31:50 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Извините, мы не можем принять вас на работу, у вас нет опыта.
- У меня и желания нету, но кого это волнует?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:27:23 | Оценка: 3.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- У вас в холодильнике мышь повесилась.
- Все намного хуже. Она умерла с голоду, а мы сымитировали самоубийство.
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:27:01 | Оценка: 3.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Папа пошел укладывать дочь спать.
Через какое-то время из детской выходит дочурка и говорит:
- Все.
- Что все? - испуганно спрашивает мама.
- Папа уснул.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:26:37 | Оценка: 2.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- У тебя есть мечта?
- Да, похудеть.
- Ну, а, что же ты тогда не худеешь?
- А как жить потом без мечты?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:26:22 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В тридевятом царстве, в тридесятом государстве, жила была: прекрасная, независимая, самостоятельная и умная принцесса. Вот однажды, сидела она на берегу живописного пруда в зеленой долине близ своего замка, размышляла о смысле жизни и вдруг, увидала лягушку…
Лягушка прыгнула ей на колени и сказала: - Милая, добрая девушка… Когда-то, я был прекрасным принцем, но злая колдунья заколдовала меня, превратив в лягушку. Если ты меня поцелуешь, я снова превращусь в принца, и тогда, моя прелесть, я поселюсь в твоем замке, а ты, будешь готовить мне еду, чистить моего коня, стирать мою одежду, растить моих детей и радоваться, что я взял тебя в жены…
Тем же вечером, легко поужинав лягушачьими ножками с приправами и бокалом белого вина,… принцесса тихонько хмыкнула и подумала: - Ага, щаззз…
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-06-02 19:26:03 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Вообщем! Ихний! Егошний!
- Пожалуйста, перестаньте, не надо!
- Ты нам все расскажешь, падла! Пробуем тяжелое... ЕЗДИЮТ! ВЫЛАЗИЕТ! звОнит!
- Хватит, черт побери, хватит! Это я убил его, сознаюсь, я убил эту неграмотную тварь.
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©ZSV
