Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 13:42:17 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Муж долго спорит с женой. Потом, измученный, сдается:
- Ладно, пусть будет по-твоему...
- Поздно! Я уже передумала!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 13:41:38 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Во время обеда Вовочка говорит папе:
- Папа, в тв...
Тут папа его перебил:
- Когда я ем, я глух и нем! Молчи, после обеда скажешь.
После обеда папа:
- Hу так что ты мне хотел сказать?
- Позднячок-с папа, в твоем супе муха просто плавала.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 13:40:56 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Дорогой, я в магазин. Тебе взять что-нибудь вкусненькое?
- Конечно, дорогая. Только осторожнее, на улице гололед! Смотри, не разбей.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 13:38:32 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- И все-таки лучшие внедорожники делают именно в России!
- Только почему-то на гусенечном ходу и с пушкой...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 13:35:05 | Оценка: 2.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Дорогой, кто звонил?
- Я так и не понял. Какой-то мужик, синоптик что ли...
- А чего ты так решил?
- Вопрос странный прозвучал: «Ну что, солнце, горизонт уже чист?»
Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 09:18:48 | Оценка: 3.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
В палату заходит врач с блокнотом, следом за ним - санитар с топором. Врач останавливается у кровати больного, листает блокнот, читает:
- Так..с, Иванов... Ампутация левой ноги.
Санитар - достает топор, ТЮК
Врач - недоуменно на санитара: - Я сказал "левой..." - Санитар - ТЮК
Врач: " Я сказал "ноги"..." - Санитар - ТЮК
Врач в ужасе глядя на пациента: "Стоп! да это вообще не Иванов!"
Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 08:51:43 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Беременная женщина и ее муж спросили доктора, можно ли им заниматься ceкcом в течение ее беременности. Он сказал им, что в течение первого триместра они могут делать это нормальным стилем. В течение второго триместра они должны делать это по-собачьи и в течение третьего триместра они должны ограничиться стилем волка.
- Стиль волка? - переспросил муж, - что это?
- Это - когда вы лежите рядом и воете!
Раздел: Про евреев | Опубликован: 2015-07-25 08:30:35 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В магазин приходит маленький Мойша.
- Мне три литра меда, протягивает он банку продавщице. Та наливает полную банку.
- А папа завтра придет и заплатит.
- Ну нет, - забирает у него банку продавщица и выливает обратно мед.
Мойша выходит на улицу и заглядывает в банку:
- Папа был прав, тут хватит на два бутерброда.
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