Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-03 08:39:07 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Баба-Яга сидит на пне и орет:
- Hасилуют! Hасилуют!
Змей Горыныч подлетает и говорит:
- Ты что, сдурела, что ли, старая?
- А что, уж и помечтать нельзя?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-03 08:36:16 | Оценка: 4.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Понравилось тут мне высказывание моего товарища по поводу своего веса:
- А я, - говорит, - вешу как радио.
- ??? это как ?
- Ну, встану на весы, а там - то 103,2, то 104,7.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 19:15:26 | Оценка: 3.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Приходит девушка в магазин открыток:
- А что это там у вас за симпатичная открыточка,ну вон та, с цветочками?
- "Моему единственному"...
- Мне штучек шесть, пожалуйста...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 19:14:40 | Оценка: 3.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Разговаривают дети новых русских.
- Ко мне вчера Дед Мороз приходил.
- Да, ерунда все это, он не настоящий.
- Настоящий, я проверил.
- Как это?
- А я у него спросил – сколько стоит Снегурочка на ночь, а он сказал – сто баксов. Сразу видно, что из леса – цен-то не знает!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 15:31:34 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Мужчины более привередливы и капризны. Женщину устроит как черное манто и белый автомобиль, так и наоборот. А мужчине подавай пышную грудь и плоский живот, а наоборот - никак.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 15:31:18 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Дорогой, я хочу норковую шубу! - Я же тебе уже много раз объяснял. Берётся живая норка, помещается в герметичный ящик, туда подаётся газ из выхлопной трубы... Или ей сворачивают шею. Когда пройдёт агония и тушка остынет, её подвешивают за задние лапки, делают ножом разрезы, руками сдирают шкуру... - Довольно, садист!!! Довольно, сволочь!!! Не хочу я никакой шубы!
- И вот так каждый раз: то хочу, то не хочу!...
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 15:30:54 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В больнице. Утренний обход.
- Доктор, а зачем вы мне прописали принять букетик фиалок?
- Больной, понимаете, у нашего патологоанатома завтра день рождения. Вам уже все равно, а ей приятно будет!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-02 15:30:31 | Оценка: 2.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Блоха мужу (вздыхая):
- У всех подружек мужья как мужья, одна я, как лохушка: вторую зиму придётся ходить в старой собаке.
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