Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 21:07:33 | Оценка: 4.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Меня комары уже закусали!
- Выпей водки. Она попадёт в кровь. Комар напьётся и умрёт.
- Нет, он не умрёт! Он напьётся и приведёт собутыльников...
Раздел: Спортивные | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 21:05:37 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Футбольный матч Россия-Германия. Счёт 2:0 в пользу немцев.
- Ребята! - кричит с трибуны дедок-ветеран. - Мы их мочили под Сталинградом, Курском, на Днепре, в Берлине!!! А вы, сукины дети, позорите нас!
Сидящий рядом грузин замечает:
- Тогда у вас был другой трэнэр...
Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 21:04:16 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
На экзамене студент, волнуясь, спрашивает у преподавателя:
- Писло чисать?
- Чешите, если поможет.
Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 21:02:58 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Папа, а кто такие алкоголики?
- Вон видишь 4 березы. Вот, а алкоголику кажется, что их 8. Понял, Вовочка?
- Понял, папа. Только там 2 березы.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 21:01:11 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Я живу в ста метрах от аэропорта рядом с железной дорогой. И зачем мне бесшумная стиральная машина?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 14:48:37 | Оценка: 4.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Агент, рекламирующий пылесосы, входит в очередную квартиру, демонстративно рассыпает в прихожей принесенный с собой мусор и заявляет хозяйке:
- Если мой пылесос не соберет это до последней пылинки, я готов все съесть!.. Куда вы, мадам?
- За ложкой. У нас третий день электричество отключено.
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 14:45:51 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Учитель - Дети, а что нам даёт овечка?
Дети - Шерсть!
Учитель - Дети, а что нам даёт свинюшка?
Дети - Мясо!
Учитель - Дети, а что нам даёт корова?
Дети - Домашние задание.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-09-24 14:44:27 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Муж приходит под утро весь в помаде, пудре, и рыжих волосах.
Жена:
- Ты где был?
- Не поверишь, дорогая, всю ночь с клоуном дрался.
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