Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 10:20:35 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Жена ушла от мужа, но вскоре вернулась. Кается, просит прощения. Муж:
- За то, что ты ушла из дома, я тебя прощу, но за то, что вернулась - НИ-КОГ-ДА!!!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 10:19:37 | Оценка: 4.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Вот мы недавно в горы поднялись, решили шашлык пожарить, а вот костер развести не смогли.
- Ну, наверное, высоко забрались, кислорода не хватало.
- Ты слышал, что умные люди говорят? Кислорода не хватало! А ты заладил - дрова нужны, дрова...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 10:07:42 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Папа, скажи, что такое опера?
- Это, сынок, такой спектакль, который начинается в 19:00, и когда ты через три часа смотришь на часы, они показывают 19:20.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 10:05:47 | Оценка: 3.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Только в России «угу» обозначает «спасибо», «ой» переводится как «извините», а кусочек хлеба является вторым столовым прибором.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 08:01:06 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Мама, мне уже 18 лет! Можно мне наконец носить бюстгальтер?
- Конечно, Вовочка. И не забудь надеть его завтра, когда пойдешь в военкомат.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 07:57:51 | Оценка: 4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Шеф – новой секретарше:
- Милочка, если я угощу вас конфеткой, вы не сочтете это сексуальным домогательством?
- Конечно, нет. Спасибо.
На следующий день:
- Милочка, если я подарю вам эту коробку конфет, вы…
- Нет. Спасибо большое.
Третий день: – Милочка, если я подарю вам этот торт…
- Ох, спасибо большое!
Несет торт и думает: «Пока этот козел переспит со мной, я сахарный диабет заработаю»
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 07:56:46 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Только ты учти, я люблю красное полусладкое.
- Ага, а я черное кружевное…
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-24 07:55:16 | Оценка: 4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Приходит Вовочка поздно-поздно домой. Мама его спрашивает:
- Вовочка, ты что, пьяненький?
Вовочка:
- В жопочку!
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