Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 13:48:47 | Оценка: 4.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Вернулся мужик с заработков и привёз мобильный телефон. Ну, показал его жене и пошёл в ванную. Оттуда звонит на домашний:
- Иди, мне спину потри.
- Не могу, мой козёл уже вернулся.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 13:48:14 | Оценка: 2.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
– Можно баночку будущего?
– Вам какого?
– Светлого, пожалуйста.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 13:44:05 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Старушка в супермаркете выкладывает перед кассой 3 банки с кошачьей едой.
Кассирша:
- Мы не отпускаем кошачью еду в таком количестве без доказательства наличия у покупателя кошки...
Старушка поворчав, сходила домой, принесла кота и забрала покупку. На следующий день старушка подошла к кассе с 3-мя большими пакетами с собачьим кормом. Та же история. Пришлось бедной старушке опять сходить домой и вернуться в супермаркет уже с собакой. На третий день старушка, войдя в супермаркет, сразу направилась к кассе, держа в руках картонную коробку с отверстием вверху.
- Засуньте туда руку, пожалуйста. - попросила старушка кассиршу.
После нескольких секунд колебаний, кассирша засунула руку в коробку:
- У меня подозрение, что в коробке говно!
- Вы абсолютно правы, милочка. Я зашла к вам за тремя рулонами туалетной бумаги...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 12:26:19 | Оценка: 2.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Клиент - администратору:
- Можно сделать так, чтобы у меня с 0:00 до 9:00 не было интернета?
- Что, спать хочется?
- Ага
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 08:20:23 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Учительница объясняет детям деление. Написала на доске 2:2 и спрашивает:
- Дети, кто знает, что это означает?
Вовочка:
- Ничья!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 08:19:37 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Почему на полицейской форме на рукавах металлические пуговицы?
- Чтобы рукавом нос не вытирали!
- А почему они блестят?
- Так все равно вытирают.
Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 08:18:52 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Наш преподаватель физики разговаривает сам с собой!
- Наш тоже, только он этого не понимает. Он думает, что мы его слушаем.
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-08-19 08:14:09 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Вовочка пришел домой грустный. Мать спросила:
- Что, опять получил двойку?
- Ага, - скорее бы на пенсию...
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©ZSV
