Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:50:41 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Привет, пить будешь?
- Сегодня среда, а сейчас 9 утра.
- Да, а трава зеленая, а доллар растет, не знаю к чему ты начал это перечисление очевидных фактов, ну так пить будешь?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:49:55 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Идет заседание, собралась вся верхушка рейха. Вдруг в кабинет заходит
Штирлиц, идет к сейфу, достает оттуда секретные документы, переснимает, потом ставит на стол вазу с апельсинами и уходит. Все в шоке.
- Кто это был, и что он тут делает?
- Да это штандартенфюрер Отто фон Штирлиц, русский разведчик.
- А чего ж вы его не схватите?
- Все равно выкрутится - скажет, что апельсины приносил...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:49:40 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Я ушел по-английски?
- Ты блеванул на ковер, растолкал гостей и пожелал всем гореть в аду.
- Вам никогда не понять джентльмена, плебеи.
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:49:09 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Кум, ты откуда?.
- С морга.
- А что такой счастливый?
- Тещу опознал.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:48:33 | Оценка: 2.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Рекламщики, хоть немного подумайте прежде чем запускать свои творения в эфир. Ну что это такое: "Как в 50 выглядеть на все 100"?!…
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:48:18 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Получаю сообщение: - Хочу погладить твою киску. Пишу ответ: - У меня кот… Странно,… больше сообщений не приходило.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 10:48:03 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Зимой в мире резко возрастает число людей, говорящих по-русски.
- А в чем причина?
- Гололед.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-08-09 09:14:20 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Заяц:
- Ты что такой грустный, Потапыч?
Медведь:
- Да вот, Косой, повестка пришла, в армию меня забирают. А я не хочу...
Заяц:
- Ну и не ходи, если не хочешь! Пойдем ща к дятлу, он тебе зубы в раз повыбивает - а кому ты в армии без зубов нужен?!
Лишившийся зубов медведь, от дятла - прямо на медкомиссию. Выходит, обнимает зайца. Заяц:
- Вижу, помог тебе дятел?!
Медведь:
- Да, нет, Косой, плошкоштопие нашли!!!
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©ZSV
