Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 13:39:08 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Доктор, зачем вы 80-летней бабушке сказали, что она беременна?!
- А что?! Главное ведь - икота прошла.
Раздел: Спортивные | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 13:38:30 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
На стадионе один болельщик спрашивает у другого:
- Что-то я никак понять не могу - за кого ты болеешь?
- За наших, само собой.
- И кто на поле эти ваши?
- А те, кто выиграет, те и наши. Наши сроду не проигрывали.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 13:36:42 | Оценка: 3.67 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Вовочка спрашивает:
- Папа, а что означает «невеста»?
- Ну, как бы тебе объяснить… ну, допустим, я подарил тебе на Новый год велосипед, он теперь твой, но кататься тебе на нем можно будет только летом.
- Ну, а до лета можно хотя бы играть с бибикалкой?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 13:35:56 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Вовочка прибегает домой на кухню. Там мамочка его обед варит. Он весело кричит ей:
- Мамочка, мамочка... Я люблю Ниночку с первого этажа!
- Ой, Вовочка - не люби ты Ниночку с первого этажа. У нее уже стеклышко разбито.
Он расстроенно идет в зал. Там бабушка в кресло-качалке вяжет и смотрит телик.
- Бабушка, а бабушка... Я люблю Ниночку с первого этажа!
- Ой, что ты Вовочка, внучик мой дорогой... Не люби ты эту стерву! У нее уже стеклышко разбито...
Он чуть ли не в слезах идет в спальню. Там на кровати лежит отец и читает газету.
- Па, а пап... Я люблю Ниночку с первого этажа...
- Ну и люби себе на здоровье...
- Ага - а мне мама с бабой говорят, чтоб не любил. Мол, у нее уже стеклышко разбито.
- Ой, Вовочка, не слушай их. Когда я женился на твоей маме - у нее не только стеклышко было разбито - но уже и рама шаталась.
Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 13:35:29 | Оценка: 4.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Не будите во мне зверя, проснется кролик - заебёт…
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 12:48:21 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Вовочка, ты же обещал, что вернёшься домой ровно в семь!
- Да, папа.
- А я обещал тебя выпороть, если ты не придешь вовремя!
- Да, папа. Но раз я не сдержал своего обещания, своё ты тоже можешь не сдерживать.
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 12:40:02 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Учительница говорит:
- Вовочка, если ты будешь так учиться, у твоего папы появятся седые волосы.
Вовочка:
- он же лысый...
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-07-16 12:32:16 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Доктор, я только что узнал: меня будет оперировать практикант Сидоров.
- Да, операция завтра.
- Так ведь зарежет!
- А мы ему двоечку поставим.
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