Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-10-16 01:04:55 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Хотите херес? - Так, сразу? Давайте сначала хоть вина выпьем!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 23:57:31 | Оценка: 4.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Сидит русский в кафе, ест бутерброд с вареньем и мюсли. К нему подходит американец и жуя жвачку спрашивает его: "А вот вы, русские хлеб целиком едите?" "Конечно! А что?" Американец, надувая из жвачки пузырь говорит "а мы - нет! Мы, американцы, едим только мякиш а корки собираем в контейнеры, перерабатываем их, делаем из них мюсли и продаем в Россию!" Русский молчит. Американец, снова надувая пузырь из жвачки, спрашивает: - А вы, русские, едите будерброды с вареньем? - Конечно едим! - А мы - нет! Мы в Америке едим только свежие фрукты. Семечки, кожуру и всякие огрызки мы собираем в контейнеры, перерабатываем, делаем из них варенье и продаем в Россию! И довольный опять надувает пузырь. Русского это, наконец, изрядно оскорбило и он, в свою очередь спрашивает: - А что вы с презервативами после употребления делаете? - Выбрасываем, естественно. - А мы - нет! Мы, русские, собираем их в контейнеры, перерабатываем, делаем из них жвачку и пpoдаем в Америку.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:36:17 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Почемy ты пеpестал встpечаться с той девyшкой?
- У нее плохой вкyс.
- В чем это пpоявляется?
- Она сказала, что я ей не нpавлюсь.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:27:53 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Галя, пойди посмотри, отчего это наше золотце плачет.
- Это не наше, это соседское.
- Вечно этот сопляк у них орёт как ненормальный!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:14:21 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
На дороге заглох "мерседес". Пробка. Водители сигналят мерсу. Из него выходит шикарная блондинка, подходит к первой же гудящей машине и говорит водителю:
- Молодой человек, посмотрите, что у меня с машиной, а я пока вместо вас побибикаю!
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:13:11 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Штирлиц шел по весеннему лесу. На деревьях висели почки.
- Опять проделки гестапо, - подумал он.
Раздел: Политические | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:12:21 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Уровень мышления наших депутатов таков, что если депутат во вторник поскользнётся и сломает руку, то он будет бороться не с гололёдом, а со вторниками.
Раздел: Компьютеры | Опубликован: 2015-10-15 10:01:17 | Оценка: 2.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Вчера весь день на черный квадрат пялился!
- В музее был?
- Монитор сломался!
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