Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 01:05:17 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Турист шлет домой SMS:
- Отдыхаем супер! В море акулы. На пляже крокодилы. Сами же сидим второй день на деревьях. Все бы ничего, но мартышки, по всей видимости, очень хотят се*са.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 01:03:52 | Оценка: 3.29 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Сегодня стал свидетелем семейной ссоры какого-то мужика со своей женой на автобусной остановке:
- Да что ты думаешь?! Чем тебе думать?! У вас же все мозги в члене! Вы же, мужики, только членом и умеете думать!
- Будешь много орать - я тебе его в башку твою тупую сейчас засуну, чтобы у тебя тоже хоть на время было чем думать!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 01:02:45 | Оценка: 3.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Тaк, молодой человек, где хотите служить?
- В ПВО! В ПВО возьмите! В ПВО служить хочу!
- А с чего это у вaс нервишки тaк сильно расшатаны, не высыпаетесь, смотрю, регулярно, со слухом проблемы начинаются.
- Я возле аэропортa живу. В ПВО меня возьмите! В ПВО!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 01:00:06 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Сегодня в 6:45 на завод было доставлено тело слесаря Петрова, где оно, не приходя в сознание, приступило к работе.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 00:56:07 | Оценка: 3.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В семье спор, кто пойдет за сыном в детсад.
Муж:
- Я тебе шубу подарил?
Жена:
- Подарил!
- Зимние сапоги подарил?
- Подарил!
- Ну, вот и иди за сыном!
- А почему не ты?!
- В чем?! В носках и с пенкой для бритья?!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 00:49:09 | Оценка: 3.13 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Она: Я тебя любиль!!!
Он:...не знаю даже что именно меня пугает в этом утверждении - прошедшее время, мужской род, или грузинский акцент...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 00:40:04 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Едут в автомобиле электрик, химик и компьютерщик. Вдруг непонятно по какой причине двигатель автомобиля резко "заглох". Ну, эти трое, которые в машине, сидят и думают в чем причина. Электрик говорит:
"Видать с аккумулятором проблема. Мол, не приводится во вращение маховик двигателя".
Химик говорит:
"Нет, скорее всего это концентрация веществ бензина ниже уровня допустимого".
Компьютерщик говорит:
"Ну чего Вы мучаетесь. Сейчас "выйдем" из машины, а потом "зайдем" в нее и машинка "запустится".
Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2014-02-13 00:06:47 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- У Вас есть тест на беременность?
- Вот немецкий, вероятность определения 96%, стоит 1500 рублей.
- А что-то подешевле?
- Вот китайский, вероятность 70%, стоит 150 рублей.
- А ещё дешевле?
Из очереди: сорви в поле ромашку: да-нет-да-нет... вероятность 50%, зато бесплатно!
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©ZSV
