Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-02 07:55:29 | Оценка: 2.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Гадалка - клиенту: - У вас яркое будущее... Высокая должность... Красная машина... Вы быстро карабкаетесь по лестнице...
- Это-то я все знаю. Я - пожарный.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-02 07:54:22 | Оценка: 3.75 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Я ему дырки на носках сделаю, чтоб ему было стыдно по бабам ходить!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 16:19:53 | Оценка: 3.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Почeму ты столько матeришься?
- Пoтому, что поcледовательная cмена cостояний и рeплик некотoрых индивидуумов угнeтает моё сoзнание.
- Чтo?
- Иди нах@й.
Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 15:20:20 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Мужики говорят: "Пьяная девушка своей пи*де не хозяйка". Даааа. Как будто пьяный мужик своему х*ю великий командир
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Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 11:02:44 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Босс из командировки вернулся. Секретарша докладывает:
- У меня две новости - плохая и хорошая, с какой начать?
- Давай с плохой...
- Налоговая полиция арестовала счета, последний контракт оказался липовым, жена вам изменила с управляющим и требует раздела имущества, рекетиры за долги захватили вашу квартиру...
- Да-а-а. Ладно, давай хорошую...
- У нас будет ребенок, милый.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 11:02:01 | Оценка: 2.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Священника останавливает гаишник:
- Святой отец, вы что-то пили?
- Только воду.
- А по-моему, от вас пахнет вином...
- Господи, ты опять это сделал!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 11:01:40 | Оценка: 1.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Мама сказала, что если я сделаю тату, то могу валить из дома.
Папа сказал, что такая возможность выпадает нечасто, и я должна ею воспользоваться.
Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2014-06-01 11:00:52 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Приходит старичок в кабинет к одному известному врачу с богатой практикой.
- Понимаете, доктор, всю свою жизнь я очень любил женщин. Блондинок любил, брюнеток, в общем, самых разных...
- Да, да, я вас понял. Но я венерическими болезнями не занимаюсь...
- Нет, вы меня не поняли. Я их любил по-разному. Но больше всего мне нравилось их любить в автомобилях. Особенно в разных шикарных, спортивных. Почти все машины перепробовал. Я это делал в "Альфа Ромео", в "Порше", в "Ягуаре", в "Понтиаке"...там такие позы...
- А, теперь я понял. Теперь у вас из-за этого радикулит, артроз...
- Да ничего подобного.
- Так чего же вы пришли?
- "Феррари" свой на денек не одолжите?
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