Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 20:07:50 | Оценка: 3.4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Парень решил искупаться. Вокруг никого не было, он сбросил с себя всю одежду и прыгнул в воду. Вскоре увидел, что рядом с его одеждой сидит девушка и читает книгу. Он нырнул, нашел на дне реки какую-то ржавую посудину, прикрылся ею и вышел на берег. Подойдя к девушке, он спросил:
- Что читаете ?
- Философию.
- Тогда скажите, о чем я думаю ?
- Вы думаете, что кастрюля с дном, а она без дна.
Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 20:05:31 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Сидит мужик ночью в Инете, п#рнуху смотрит, думает, что жена спит. Ну, сидит и картинки листает. Тут вдруг жена трогает его за плечо:
- Ну-ка пролистай на картинку вверх. Ещё на одну, ещё. Вот! Такие шторы на кухню хочу!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 20:04:00 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Миграционная служба, поймав таджика-гастарбайтера:
- Если вы находитесь в России нелегально, мы вышлем вас на родину. Вы – нелегал?
Гастарбайтер подумав:
- Си, сеньор.
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 20:03:15 | Оценка: 2.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Наркоман устраивается в цирк.
- Могу прыгнуть из-под купола без страховки прямо на манеж.
- Ух ты! Покажите!
- Але...
Прыгает. Шмяк... Лежит. Тишина...
- Он разбился!? Пульс еще есть! Врача!!!
Прибегает врач.
- Пульс замедляется. Срочно два кубика морфина! Делает укол.
Наркоман встает раскинув руки в стороны.
- Ап!
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 19:58:02 | Оценка: 2.75 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Бабушка сходила в парикмахерскую и постриглась совсем уж коротко. Внучок рассматривает её некоторое время и наконец выдаёт:
- Бабушка, ты теперь выглядишь не как старая женщина...
- Спасибо, мой маленький, ты сказал мне очень добрые слова. Ну, а как я всё-таки выгляжу?..
- Как старый мужчина!..
Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 19:56:14 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Алло! Это секс по телефону?
- О, да-а мой шалунишка! Я медленно снимаю блузку и...
- Это милиция беспокоит.
- Всё-всё! Уже оделась и ушла!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 19:54:47 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Парень прощается с блондинкой.
- Бай.
- Не поняла, что это значит?
- Ну, "гудбай" сокращенно.
- Ну тогда чмо.
- Что?
- "Чмоки" сокращенно.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-12-19 19:51:41 | Оценка: 4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Приходит мама с работы.
- Так, и что же мои хорошие детки сегодня полезного сделали?
Первый:
- Я посуду помыл!
- Какой ты у меня молодец!
Угощает его шоколадкой. Второй:
- А я посуду вытер!
- Умница! - дает ему печенье.
Третий:
- Ну, а я подмел осколки и вынес ведро.
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©ZSV
