Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 22:56:52 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
В понедельник, после праздника Пасхи, преподаватель, рассказывая о работе электросхемы, выдает фразу: "Нажимаем стопку "Кноп"...
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:08:43 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В самолете сидит женщина с пятилетней внучкой. Когда она узнала, что их соседка - учительница, то тут же попросила девочку продемонстрировать свои навыки обратного счета. Она с готовностью затараторила:
- Двадцать, девятнадцать, восемнадцать...
- Замечательно, - похвалила ее учительница. Ты выучила это в детском саду?
- Нет. У микроволновой печи.
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:08:28 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Подсудимый, ваше последнее слово?
- Апчхи!
- Будьте здоровы! Итак, оглашается смертный приговор.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:08:13 | Оценка: 3.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Мама сейчас на отдыхе в Египте, звонит мне каждое утро и говорит:
-Ну что доча, ты на работу?
-Да, мам
-"Ахаха, ну, а я на пляж». И кладет трубку.
Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:07:37 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Вчера водил своего восьмилетнего сына к знакомому доктору ставить прививку от клещевого энцефалита. Ну знакомый возьми и ляпни, что могут быть осложнения, температура и т.д.
Приезжаем домой. Сын начинает бормотать что-то типа, "а что такое осложнения?", "а у меня, вроде бы, температура" и т.д. Чую, почву готовит (на завтра учебный день после праздников).
Встаем утром. Сын, который вечером "подковался" в медицинских терминах, начинает петь про то, что у него, возможно, уже осложнения. Я достаю огроменный шприц, который еще вечером заполнил водой, с не менее впечатляющей иглой. Далее диалог:
С: Папа, что это?
Я: Это против осложнений. В язык ставится.
С: Я вдруг почувствовал себя гораздо лучше!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:07:21 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Слушай, а что у тебя квартирка такая тесная?
- Да обычная. Просто обои клеить очень люблю.
- И что?
- А старые отдирать - не люблю!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:06:36 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Жена говорит мужу:
- Надо врезать глазок в холодильник, а то откроешь дверцу и час думаешь, чего бы пожрать. А холодильник в это время размораживается...
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-05-11 10:05:39 | Оценка: 2.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
В кондитерском магазине девочка говорит продавщице:
- Дайте мне, пожалуйста, шоколадную фигурку за три рубля.
- Тебе мальчика или девочку?
- Конечно, мальчика, там шоколада больше!
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