Раздел: Детские | Опубликован: 2014-06-17 09:27:13 | Оценка: 3.9 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Мальчик рассказывает маме:
- У нас в садике есть девочка Лиза и она мне нравится. Когда у нас был тихий час,я хотел её поцеловать, но Лиза лежала далеко и поэтому Я В НЕЁ ПЛЮНУЛ!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-17 09:05:27 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Бывает, ковыряешься в носу, козявку оттуда никак достать не можешь, аж до крови расковыряешь. И тут, херак, голос в зале по трансляции:
- Господа депутаты, приступаем к голосованию!
Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2014-06-17 09:04:34 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Будем играть в индейцев?
- Будем!
- Ну, тогда беги за огненной водой!
Раздел: Про евреев | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:48:45 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Летят в самолете американец, француз, араб и еврей. Самолет загорается, а парашютов всего три. Американец говорит: "Моя страна самая демократичная в мире, я обязан спастись!" Хватает один и вываливается.
Араб говорит: "Мой народ самый умный!" Быстро хватает другой и вываливается.
Еврей протягивает парашют французу. Тот восхищается, мол, ты отдаешь мне последний парашют, жертвуешь собой и т. п...
"Да нет," - говорит еврей, - "Просто самый умный со спальным мешком прыгнул..."
Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:48:21 | Оценка: 3.6 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Лекция. Трое студентов на галерке очень сильно шумят. Преподаватель говорит: - Если бы молодые люди на задних рядах вели себя так же тихо как те, которые играют в карты на средних, то те кто сидит впереди могли бы спокойно спать.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:45:48 | Оценка: 3.8 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Люди которые принимаю ЛСД, теряют вес. В этом есть смысл. Непросто добраться к холодильнику, когда его охраняет дракон.
Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:44:39 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Урок атеизма. Учительница говорит: - Детки, Бога нет! Вот ты, Машенька, видишь Бога?
- Нет.
- Значит, Бога нет!
Тут один маленький мальчик с последней парты тянет руку.
Учительница: - Что ты хочешь?
- Можно мне задать Маше вопрос?
- Ну, давай.
- Маша, ты видишь у учительницы мозги?
- Нет.
- А это значит, что у учительницы их нет!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:41:10 | Оценка: 2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Психолог говорит пациенту: - А сейчас пройдем небольшой тест, определяющий уровень вашей интернет-зависимости. Вы сидите в кресле у компьютера, сзади подходит женщина, нежно обнимает вас, вы оборачиваетесь, а она совершенно голая! Каковы ваши действия?
- Простите, доктор, а это жена или незнакомка?
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:40:18 | Оценка: 3.57 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Лучшим противозачаточным средством 2014 года признана ипотека, 2 место прочно удерживает новая иномарка, взятая в кредит.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2014-06-16 18:39:16 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Любимый, изнасилуй меня прямо сейчас, пожалуйста!
- А тебе лишь бы ужин не готовить!
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