Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-03-15 10:20:29 | Оценка: 3.86 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Я стала бабушкой.
- Иди сюда, припади на колено. Клятва: «Клянешься ли ты ходить каждое утро в больницу и барагозить?»
- Клянусь!
- Клянешься ли ты произносить «Сталина на вас нет!» не реже чем 7 раз в день?
- Клянусь!
- Властью, данной мне Пенсионным фондом Российской федерации, нарекаю тебя бабушкой. Целуй проездной.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-03-15 10:20:12 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Врач – больному:
- Какой у вас сейчас вес?
- Семьдесят.
- А какой был максимальный?
- Восемьдесят.
- А минимальный?
- Три триста.
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Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-03-15 10:19:58 | Оценка: 1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Алло! Ирина Николаевна, добрый вечер.
- Егорушка, здравствуй. Тебе, наверное, Свету? А она не может подойти - она в душе.
- Да, да... Я в курсе. Вы нам полотенце сюда принесите, пожалуйста.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-03-15 10:18:46 | Оценка: 3.17 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Доктор, мне каждую ночь снится кошмарный сон, будто меня хватают и выбрасывают из самолета!
- Надевайте перед сном парашют и засыпайте спокойно!
Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2015-03-15 10:17:42 | Оценка: 4 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
10-летнему Вадику родители подарили на день рождения набор "Юный сантехник".
Через три дня Вадик спился...
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2015-03-14 19:42:55 | Оценка: 2.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Перед операцией:
- Доктор, вы лично будете меня оперировать?
- Да, люблю, знаете ли, хотя бы раз в году проверить, помню ли я еще что-нибудь...
Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2015-03-14 19:42:22 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
На приеме у гинеколога молодая женщина:
- Доктор, у меня нет детей!
- А муж у вас есть?
- Да, есть. Сидоров Иван.
- Странно, странно, скажите - пусть зайдет ко мне завтра.
На следующий день приходит Сидоров.
- Слушай, Сидоров, не стыдно тебе? Три года уже женщины девятого микрорайона ходят от тебя аборты делать. А в семье у тебя что?! Почему не можешь ребенка сделать?
- Я в неволе не размножаюсь.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2015-03-14 19:41:37 | Оценка: 2.63 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Карась - карасю:
- Слушай, дружище, ты мне, конечно, можешь не поверить, но тот рыбак, у которого я сорвался с крючка, весил никак не меньше 90 кг!
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©ZSV
