Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2016-04-08 13:31:46 | Оценка: 3.44 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Каким ты порохом заряжаешь патроны, когда охотишься на кабана?
- Конечно же, дымным. Пока дым рассеется, я успею влезть на дерево!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2016-04-08 13:30:58 | Оценка: 4.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Идёт застолье. Встаёт грузин и произносит тост:
- Я предлагаю выпить за женщин, которые без нас, мужчин, не могут жить, как рыба не может жить без воды.
Сидящая рядом женщина говорит:
- Ну о чём вы говорите, молодой человек?! Я вот уже двадцать лет живу без мужа и прекрасно себя чувствую, и совсем не считаю себя несчастной.
- Мадам, я предлагаю выпить за свежую рыбу!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2016-04-08 12:56:52 | Оценка: 3.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Штирлиц роется в сейфе в кабинете Бормана. Распахивается дверь, стоит крайне удивленный Борман и спрашивает:
-Штирлиц, а что это Вы тут делаете?
-Жду трамвая! - невозмутимо отвечает Штирлиц.
Борман закрывает дверь, идет дальше по коридору и размышляет: "Как это так, ведь мой кабинет на втором этаже..." Быстро возвращается, но Штирлица в кабинете уже не было. "Верно уехал" - подумал Борман.
Раздел: Про евреев | Опубликован: 2016-04-08 12:53:22 | Оценка: 3.33 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Табличка на скамейке в одесском парке им. Шевченко:
"Осторожно! Окрашено! Если не липнет к рукам, то это ещё таки не значит, что не прилипнет к брюкам...".
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2016-04-08 12:50:37 | Оценка: 4.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Мой братик сказал, что боится спать один. Я утешил его тем, что он не одинок - ведь под его кроватью живёт монстр, а в шкафу - бабайка.
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2016-04-07 19:17:24 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Разговаривают два друга:
- Я крокодила завел!
- Надо же! А соседи не ругаются?
- А кому теперь там ругаться?
Раздел: Про пьяниц | Опубликован: 2016-04-07 19:16:46 | Оценка: 3.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
Пьяный мужик пpиходит домой и долго пытается откpыть двеpь
ключом. Так и не сумел откpыть, заснул под двеpью, оставив ключ
в замке. Утpом жена не может откpыть двеpь и стучит. Мужик
откpывает один глаз.
- Кто там?
- Это я, твоя жена.
- Иди туда, стеpва, где всю ночь таскалась. Hе пущу
Раздел: Медицинские | Опубликован: 2016-04-07 19:14:07 | Оценка: 3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
- Доктор, помогите, умоляю! Очень сильные боли в желудке!
- А что вы ели накануне?
- Ягоды в лесу.
- Какие именно ягоды?
- Не знаю, доктор, я не разглядела!
- Так вам не ко мне надо, а к окулисту!
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