Раздел: Для взрослых | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:57:10 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Ночь. Муж с женой занимаются любовью. Жена, раз кончила, второй, третий...десятый...
- Вань, что с тобой?
- А... что, прости, задумался...
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:56:48 | Оценка: 3.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5 | Не цензура!
На свадьбе один из гостей берет микрофон и с добрым видом, лучезарным взглядом с расстановкой:
- Уважаемые! Дорогие гости! Прошу минуточку внимания!
Все замолкают, он продолжает с улыбкой:
- Сейчас. Я хочу. Чтобы невеста. При всех ... сделала мне минет!
Зависла пауза. Все офигели. И меееедленно, с глазами налившимися кровью, поднимается жених .
Гость: Не не не не, не жених, ИМЕННО невеста!
Раздел: Черный юмор | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:53:39 | Оценка: 2.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Бог еды и плодородия у народов крайнего севера, 8 букв?
- Вертолет.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:52:49 | Оценка: 3.2 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Волнуетесь?
- Да.
- Первый раз?
- Нет, я уже волновался и раньше...
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Раздел: Про учебу | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:52:05 | Оценка: 3.3 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
- Ну, как экзамены?
- Подорожали!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2012-08-16 18:51:17 | Оценка: 2.5 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Муж:
- Место женщины на кухне...
Жена:
- В спальне сам справишься!
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2012-08-14 13:56:10 | Оценка: 3.1 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
Дед на даче ночью просыпается - смотрит, а у него воры картошку тырят - весь урожай! - Он звонит в милицию: - У меня тут какие-то козлы всю картошку украсть хотят!
- Приносим свои извинения, но поблизости не ни одной патрульной машины - досвидания.
Звонит через 5 минут:
- Можете уже не приезжать - я их всех перестрелял!
Через три минуты приезжает 5 патрульных машин, беркут, ОМОН - все дела! Вяжут они всех воров, начальник подходит к деду и говорит:
- Ты же сказал, что всех перестрелял!
- Ну, так и мне сказали, что патрульных машин нету.
Раздел: Разные | Опубликован: 2012-08-14 13:53:10 | Оценка: 2.7 | Оценить: 1 2 3 4 5
После свидания с мужем, отбывающим тюремный срок, жена приходит к начальнику тюрьмы и просит дать ее супругу работу полегче.
- У нас еще никто не надрывался на клейке бумажных пакетов, - сказал начальник.
- О да! Но муж говорит, что по ночам он копает еще какой-то тоннель.
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